Highway To Armageddon Read online

  “Everyone get in the car!” I shout, still pressing the trigger on my taser. “I can’t hold him back forever!”

  Pitbull’s entire body quivers from the onslaught of electricity, but he continues his march. It’s simultaneously the most amazing and horrifying thing I’ve ever seen.

  Machete hops into the front passenger seat. Krystal climbs into the back. Boom Boom tries to usher Dorothy toward the car, but she wrenches free from her grasp.

  “I’m not leaving Sally!”

  Dorothy runs over to Sally’s body, which is still lying beside the wreckage of the saloon. She grabs ahold of Sally’s feet and drags her toward the Cruiser.

  Boom Boom groans. “Dorothy, we can’t… I mean, it’s not practical…”

  Boom Boom trails off. She doesn’t have the heart to tell Dorothy to leave her friend behind.

  Machete, on the other hand, has no problem saying exactly what’s on her mind. “Oh no! You are not putting a dead body in my car!”

  “Then I’m not coming with you!” Dorothy shouts

  “Fine! I don’t care!” Machete shouts back.

  “Guys, we don’t have time for this,” I say. “Just shut up and…”

  My taser suddenly short-circuits. I toss it to the ground so I don’t get electrocuted. Without a wall of electricity holding him back, Pitbull falls flat on his face.

  I turn to Boom Boom and shout, “Seriously, we’re out of time! Get in the car!”

  Machete’s eyes widen when she sees Pitbull pushing himself up. “Alright, alright, bring the body! But I better not see any blood stains on my upholstery.”

  Machete never ceases to amaze me with her callousness. I help Dorothy drag Sally the rest of the way to the Moon Cruiser. Pitbull staggers to his feet and howls in fury. His eyes look like flaming embers stuck inside charred molten rock.

  Almost in a panic I shove Sally’s body onto the floor of the car. Dorothy hops in after her, followed by Krystal and Boom Boom. I’m the last one in.

  “Go, Arrow!” I scream.

  Arrow clicks the ignition button. The Moon Cruiser levitates off the ground, kicking up a cloud of dust.

  I watch in horror as Pitbull lunges toward us. The Moon Cruiser begins to shoot forward, but Pitbull is moving insanely fast for a lumbering, 300-plus pound cyborg with third degree burns all over his body. He leaps into the air and grabs onto the trunk. The car tilts upwards from all the weight.

  “Die!” Pitbull hisses. His mind is enveloped in a cloud of ravenous, mass-murdering hatred.

  We shoot forward at an incredible speed, causing Pitbull to swing back and forth. The only thing keeping him from falling off is his cyborg arm. His robotic fingers have clawed into the trunk, keeping him anchored.

  The few remaining cowboys take aim at our fleeing car. Their shots shatter most of our windows, but thankfully no one gets hit. That unfortunately includes Pitbull.

  Boom Boom, Dorothy, Krystal and I press ourselves against the back of the front seats, trying to get as far away from Pitbull as possible.

  Pitbull uses his regular arm to grab a gun from his belt and point it directly at me.

  “Gimme your gun, Boom Boom!” I shout. She tries to hand it to me, but I fumble with it. The gun slides out of my sweaty hands and tumbles under Arrow’s seat.

  Pitbull cackles and points his gun through our shattered back windshield.

  I shove Dorothy and Boom Boom to the floor and lay on top of them. Krystal kneels beside me and covers her face.

  “If we get out of this mess alive, we’re heading straight to Alaska!” I shout. “No more crazy stops!”

  Pitbull grunts, “Wait, you’re going to Alaska? That makes… holy crap, you’re going after Rasputin!”

  I lift my head and say, “Duh. What did you think we were doing?”

  Pitbull is still dangling from the back of the car, but he’s no longer pointing his gun at me. It’s like he’s reconsidering his decision to kill us.

  Arrow doesn’t give him much time, though. He leans over the back of his chair and aims an arrow at Pitbull’s heavily-charred face.

  “Get your own ride, chump.”

  Arrow fires the arrow directly into Pitbull’s left robotic eyeball. Sparks fly out as Pitbull screams bloody murder. He loosens his iron clad grip on the trunk and falls off. I peer over the side of the car just in time to see him splash into a stream.

  Dorothy and Boom Boom scoot away from Sally. I just now realize I shoved them on top of a dead body.

  “That was too close,” Machete says. “I agree with Lance, no more unnecessary stops. We head straight to Alaska and do what we came to do.”

  Now that we’re out of danger we all take a seat. Boom Boom sits behind Arrow. Krystal plops down in the middle, and I sit behind Machete. Dorothy sits on my lap. Sally’s body is still on the floor, making for a morbid, depressing flight.

  Since most of the windows are shattered, gusts of wind sweep into the car, blowing our hair all over the place.

  “I say we fly for a few hundred miles before making camp, to put some distance between us and the cyborg freak,” Machete says. “We can bury the girl when we land.”

  I look out the back windshield. By now we’re pretty far away from the Wild West

  Settlement, but I can still make out the inferno we left behind. We’re not going to be Geronimo Blackbird’s favorite people when he finds out we destroyed his dream city.

  “I still don’t understand how Pitbull and those ninjas found us again,” Arrow says. “It’s almost like they’re psychic.”

  “When we land we can search the car for more bugs,” Machete says. “We should also check our clothes.”

  Dorothy turns her head and rests it on my chest. I’m honored she feels so comfortable in my arms. I’m probably the first guy she’s ever met who hasn’t touched her inappropriately.

  I push back her damp, brown hair and caress her face. She truly is beautiful, but she has an aura of sadness and fragility that I feel compelled to protect. As long as Dorothy is under my watch I’ll make sure no one hurts her ever again.

  I lean back in my seat and close my eyes. An overwhelming sense of exhaustion washes over me. I feel like I could sleep for days.

  As I descend into slumber, there’s one thought that keeps running through my mind. We’re nowhere near Alaska, and yet we’ve already gone through all kinds of hell. What are we going to have to endure in order to nab the most wanted man on Earth?

  Chapter Ten: Boom Boom

  We stop to set up camp just before sunset. The ground is damp from a recent thunderstorm, so it’s not exactly the most ideal spot. It is in a meadow, however, and there’s a stream nearby, so it will have to do.

  As soon as we land we check the Moon Cruiser for tracking devices. We spend a good 15 minutes looking all over the place: under the seats, in the upholstery, in the glove box, inside the engine and trunk. Arrow even crawls under the car to see if any bugs are attached to the underbody, but he comes up empty.

  After that we check our weapons and clothes, but as far as we can tell we’re all bug-free. I’m unnerved by the fact that we don’t find anything. If Pitbull was able to find us twice before, he can certainly do so again. I just hope that he’s in so much pain from his injuries that he decides it’s best to leave us alone.

  Pretty soon the sun sets and the moon and stars come out. Machete starts a fire so we don’t freeze. The air is cooler than usual, signifying the quickly-approaching winter. Shortly after that we bury Sally.

  It’s a traumatic ordeal. I do my best not to cry as Arrow digs a shallow grave with a shovel from Machete’s trunk. My best isn’t good enough, though, especially when Dorothy begins to sob. Soon a waterfall of tears stream down my cheeks.

  Once the grave is deep enough, Lance picks up Sally’s body and gently lays her in the dirt. Arrow begins to fill the grave back in when Krystal blurts, “Wait! We should say a few words.”

  “Krystal’s right,” Dorothy says in a cracking voi
ce. “We can’t just bury Sally without saying something.”

  “That’s a good idea,” I say. “Did you want to go first?”

  Dorothy nods and opens her trembling mouth. All that comes out, however, is a choked sob. She buries her head in my arms and says, “I’m sorry, I can’t do it.”

  I rub her back. ” Shhh, it’s okay.”

  Dorothy’s sobs become muffled as she presses her face against my chest.

  I’m about to call the whole thing off when Lance steps up to the plate.

  “I’d like to say something.”

  We all look at Lance in awe. I’ve seen Lance wage war against dozens of criminals, but this may very well be the bravest thing he’s ever done. Everyone falls eerily silent as Lance begins his eulogy.

  “I haven’t known Sally a long time, which is a tragedy. She seemed like a wonderful, loving person. That’s all the more amazing considering she suffered a horrific life full of abuse, suppression, hatred, and neglect. But that’s not what I’m going to remember about Sally. From now on when I think of her, I’ll always think back to how she ended her life. She ended it doing something far too many people are afraid to do. She died fighting. She died fighting back against the very worst among us. Sally decided to rise up against those that would prey on the weak and defenseless. Because of this, Sally is, and always will be… my hero.”

  Lance’s voice cracks near the end. It’s enough to shatter my already broken heart.

  Lance sniffles and continues. “I hope Sally has finally found the peace that eluded her in life.”

  Lance wipes his eyes and turns his head. He hates when people see him cry. He thinks it makes him look weak. I beg to differ. To me it’s a sign that he’s a person of great sympathy and passion… and a huge heart.

  Dorothy completely breaks down as a result of Lance’s beautiful eulogy. Krystal blows her nose on some leaves and sobs, “Aw great, now my mascara’s running.”

  Arrow turns so no one can see his tears. I’m shocked beyond words, though, to see Machete sniffing and wiping her moist left eye.

  Arrow stares at Machete in shock. “Mom, are you… are you crying?”

  “No!” Machete snaps, turning her head and lighting a cigar. “It’s just my allergies.”

  “But you don’t have…”

  Arrow trails off when he sees me placing my finger against my nose. Machete should be allowed to grieve without everyone gawking at her.

  I go over to Lance and give him a hug. We embrace for a long time. By the time we break apart, Arrow has already buried Sally under a thin layer of dirt. Even though none of us are super religious people, Krystal concocts a makeshift cross out of branches and sticks it into the mud. It’s a sweet, moving gesture.

  Machete grabs some towels and rags out of her trunk and tosses them to us. “Alright, let’s go down to the river and wash up. You all smell like rotten cheese mixed with dog crap.”

  Arrow shakes his head. “Oh Mom, you have such a way with words.”

  We make our way down to the river bank and strip out of our dirty, blood-caked clothes. During times like this you can’t be coy or embarrassed about getting naked in front of other people (despite how much I hate doing so). Still, as soon as I’m nude I step into the river and submerge myself.

  The water is a lot cooler than I thought it’d be; shivers cascade down my spine. I clear my mind and wait for my body to get used to the low temperature. Once I’m comfortable I use the small bottle of shampoo Machete brought along and dump a bunch of it in my hair and all over my body. I then use my rag to scrub away all the dirt and grime clinging to my skin. It’s the most refreshed I’ve felt in days.

  By now most of the others have disrobed and stepped into the river. Machete is a-ways downstream, probably because she doesn’t want to be bothered by us. Lance and Dorothy are near the bank, chuckling as they splash each other. I act like I’m not bothered to see them together, but it does bother me… a lot.

  Something suddenly touches my back. I shriek and spin around, slapping my attacker in the face.

  It’s Arrow.

  Arrow holds his right eye. “Whoa, calm down, Red. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “Omigosh, I’m so sorry!”

  I press my hand against Arrow’s bare chest. It’s like I’m touching marble. My eyes dart down to his chiseled abs. A small trail of hair leads down to… dang, the water comes up to his waist. Bummer.

  Arrow clears his throat. I look up to find him grinning.

  “My eyes are up here, Red.”

  Arrow’s eyes deviate from mine and gaze down.

  I lower into the water until it comes up to my neck. “So are mine,” I say, splashing him in the face.

  Arrow grabs my shampoo and pours it on his head. Some of the soapy lather trickles over his lean shoulders and down his chest, leaving a clean trail in its wake. Arrow’s almost as dirty as I am.

  “Oh wow, this feels so good,” he says, rubbing the shampoo into his hair.

  He grins at me and mischievously says, “Would you mind getting my back? I can’t reach that far.”

  “S… sure,” I stammer. I use my rag to wipe away all the grime on his neck and backside. Pretty soon his back is smooth and fresh, save for a few scars and bruises.

  Once Arrow finishes washing up, he turns to me. “Your turn.”

  Arrow moves behind me and runs his fingers through my hair, thoroughly washing it free of dirt and blood. His fingers dig deep into my scalp, gently massaging it.

  “Oh Arrow, that feels amazing,” I moan.

  “What can I say, I have magic fingers.”

  “Yes you do.”

  Arrow’s ‘magic fingers’ move down my neck. He digs in deep, loosening all my knots. My moaning intensifies. A cool breeze blows through, intensifying the pleasure. Small waves crash into our bodies. It’s an awesome sensation.

  Arrow moves down to my shoulders. I arc my back. “I haven’t had a massage like this in… ever!”

  Arrow leans in so close his breath tickles my neck. “You are insanely beautiful, Red. You make the models in Sanctuary 41 look like white trash.”

  A giggle escapes my lips, surprising and embarrassing me. I certainly didn’t intend to do it. I’m behaving like a giddy school girl. But Arrow knows how to woo a lady, that’s for sure. The Sanctuary 41 models are some of the most beautiful women in the world. To be compared to them would elicit a giggle from any girl.

  Arrow’s hands move lower, working out the knots on my lower back. My knees buckle. Owls hoot off in the distance, and crickets… well, cricket. It’s the perfect natural soundtrack to complement the perfect massage.

  After what seems like forever, I crack open my eyes and scowl at the sight of Lance giving Dorothy a massage. She seems to be enjoying hers even more than I’m enjoying mine. Lance flicks his tongue at me before turning his attention back to Dorothy. He’s just trying to make me jealous.

  And it works.

  I move away from Arrow and head back to shore.

  “Red, where you going?” Arrow calls after me. “I wasn’t finished!”

  “I’m sorry, Arrow,” I say, wringing out my hair. “I’m just really tired. I’m going to go lay down.”

  I emerge from the river and grab a towel. Krystal barges past me, buck naked, and screams, “Cannonball!”

  I watch in mild amusement as she leaps into the river, sending a small tsunami crashing into Lance and Dorothy. She’s a 10-year old trapped inside an 18-year old’s body.

  I dry off and wrap my towel around my chest. I then scoop my clothes off the river bank and head back to camp.

  I stand near the fire to dry off. I gasp when two glowing eyes materialize in the nearby brush. I think it’s a wolf. I grab my taser and zap the air. The bright blue light and zapping sound causes the eyes to disappear. I’ll need to remember that even out in the wilderness we’re not safe from danger. Vigilance will be the key to our survival.

  I’m about to put my clothes back on wh
en I detect a pungent odor. It takes me a few seconds to realize it’s coming from my clothes. I really wish I had thought to bring at least another pair of underwear. I hold my breath as I put my nasty, sweaty, dirty clothes and body armor back on. My clean body is now once again covered in sweat and grime. I probably would have been better off not even washing up. At least then I wouldn’t have noticed the stark contrast of being squeaky clean and completely filthy.

  I really was going to go straight to sleep, but now I’m hungry. I rummage around in the trunk until I find Machete’s sack of food. I pull out a bag of dried fruit and trail mix and sit on a log near the fire. I make sure not to eat too much as I notice our supplies are running low.

  I glance around the campsite, keeping my eye out for danger. I slide on my goggles so I can see in infra-red. A few nocturnal animals scurry around in the forest, like raccoons and opossums. The wolf I saw moments before is now deep in the forest. He won’t be back to bother us again, not unless he wants to get tased.

  My gaze eventually falls on Sally’s makeshift grave. I quickly look away so I don’t break down in sobs.

  Pretty soon the others return from their bath. Arrow arrives first. He asks if I’m okay. I tell him yes, that I loved his massage and I hope we can give me another one sometime soon. Arrow smiles and says he’s looking forward to it.

  Krystal and Machete are the next ones to show up, followed by Lance and Dorothy. Lance sits on a log next to me, and Dorothy snuggles up against to him. I do my best not to appear annoyed, although I don’t think I’m entirely successful.

  I keep my goggles on and check out the news. Arrow does the same thing. Krystal starts watching one of her trashy reality shows. I can tell just by how she cracks up laughing. Machete sits on the hood of her car while chugging on a cigar. Dorothy continues clinging to Lance as they talk quietly amongst themselves. I increase the volume on my goggles and focus on the news.

  The first thing the reporter talks about is the destruction of the Wild West Settlement. Footage is shown of the still-raging fire, which has yet to be contained. According to the reporter the blaze has scorched 30% of the entire town. All tourists and residents have been evacuated.